It’s part of the deal, he said—to hide oneself

in the heat of explosion.

“Don’t sabotage yourself.”

“None of us has any real experience

that we can use to destroy what is yet to come.”

So that’s why he said, “Don’t sabotage yourself.”

Speaking as though he was already a part of the establishment,

communicating a latent desire, throwing his voice

against the process.

This is the other part of the deal—to keep one’s life

intact when everything else is disintegrating

into pure colour, vision, spectacle, a firework of sorts.

“You have no right to complain.”

“None of us do.”

“We can only talk about it, as humans are apt to do.”

“As we are all apt to do, once in a while, because

we can’t help it. It’s in our nature.”

“The kind of nature that has been informed

by an inward looking.”

“The kind of nature that is informed

by looking at the inward journey

towards nothing.”

This is what we try to hide, for want of a better description.

“Nothing will prepare us for it.”

3 May 2005